bruises heal from the inside out

I am beginning to realize that so much of how we are in relationship with each other is about circumventing pain. We create a dance of distance to protect our inner bruises. We unconsciously draw people and situations to us that mirror past hurts, and we work very hard to avoid dealing with the past even though the present is pregnant with opportunity to do so. In all of this avoidance of pain, we create layers of pain on top of the bruises we are babying. Some of these new layers harden; making it even more difficult to reach those original wounds. We tell ourselves that these layers protect the wound from being bumped. These layers have been protective, getting us through some difficult times. And now, these layers feel mostly burdensome, as they wreak havoc in our relationships and to our health.

How can we connect with each other with all of these layers between us? 

I have been telling more truths lately. More of the kind of truths that cut away at my own layers. I have been intentionally chiseling away at the walls that surround my heart to let the light in. It's painful. Not only for me, but for others too. Anyone invested in my layers experiences loss and, possibly rejection as I chip away the pieces they knew as "me." In some cases, it is clear that the layers contained the entire relationship and without them, there was no longer a viable connection. Or, the person hasn't been ready to release their layers and it becomes impossible to remain in balance.  

I suspect I will continue to bewilder people with this life-long project of mine. And that's okay because the wounds I have been protecting all these years can only heal if I let go of protective layers that no longer serve me. As I chip away at my layers, I have hoped to feel the elixir of light pouring in from the external world. We are taught to seek "the" external source of light — it is that light, we believe,  that will heal our wounds and free us from our sins. All this time, I thought my layers prevented me from basking in that nourishing, inspiring mirage-like light... OUT THERE. I have been surprised to discover that the light I have been blocking all of these years, is my own and that these wounds only heal from the inside out. 


*Inspired by The Untethered Soul