let it be
The last couple days have been a little more stressful than usual and last night it caught up to me. We’re making headway with our house, but there is so much more to do. Well-meaning people try to comfort us by telling us to do less, since it’s a seller’s market. But that isn’t the right advice for us. We live on a super busy street and our beloved house is vulnerable to being bought and demolished by a developer. In an effort to avoid that fate, we're putting elbow grease and love into getting the house ready to increase the chance of a real couple or family buying it—and enjoying it for many years to come. It is also not in our nature to walk away from something that has been sacred to us without ceremony.
The stress for me is half the house prep and half the uncertainty of when my job will end. It may end on July 29th or next Thursday. The Human Resources department hasn’t made a decision yet and each day is like waiting to find out if I can relax or if I need to panic a little. My wonderful supervisor is advocating for the position to go through July. But, it is out of our hands at this point. I was not expecting to lose income and insurance so soon, so I feel anxious about it.
I had a moment of panic last night which bled into the morning. My heart racing with worry of getting all our doctor’s appointments covered within a week and a swirling mind of “how are we going to pay the bills or buy food?” Reasonable worries for this situation.
On my way to work, I listened to a podcast about facing the anxiety (not wishing it away) and making friends with it. Learning to understand all the triggers and the root fears so I can make space in my mind for creative thinking—which is what I need right now. No good comes from panic and the restricted blood flow it causes, means less of an ability to consider options from outside of the box. One of the mantras recommended in the podcast was “let it be.” I’ve danced with this mantra before and it has always helped. LET IT BE allows me to take a deep, soothing breath and acknowledge stress compassionately. Instead of feeling like I have to shake this worry off before I can move forward—I move forward with it. I say LET IT BE to myself any time I feel a twinge of anxiety. Repeating "LET IT BE" is instantly comforting and grants me permission not to try to control a situation that is out of my control. Now, I can be present with what is true in my life at the moment instead of worrying about what might happen in a week.
When I went to get lunch today, I was reading up on this mantra, LET IT BE, and when my order number was called, the Beatles, “Let it Be” came on the radio. I nearly broke out in tears. I don’t believe in coincidence. I allow myself to believe anything that opens my heart and floods me with feelings of connection, love, curiosity and wonder. And this was that kind of moment.
So, I am going to keep on letting it be with a heaping side of all is well. I have my health, people who love me and will be present for us if we need a little support, all my limbs work, my eyes see beauty and my near future of travel is something to be excited and grateful for, even if there are bumps on the way to the airplane. Those bumps will make take-off all the sweeter.
Peace.